


When You Know I Can't Love You

by yeuxdangeyams



Category: haikyuu
Genre: Aromantic Tendou Satori, College, Fluff, M/M, Not Beta Read, Platonic Relationships, Soulmates, Ushijima Wakatoshi&Tendou Satori, Ushijima wakatoshi is a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:29:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28787226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeuxdangeyams/pseuds/yeuxdangeyams
Summary: this is for my dear friend @/tendoodle on the good ol bird app <3
Relationships: Semi Eita/Tendou Satori
Kudos: 22





	When You Know I Can't Love You

**Author's Note:**

> this is for my dear friend @/tendoodle on the good ol bird app <3

Tendou Satori’s eyes meet with Semi Eita’s, across the room, halfway. He surrounded by people, each one with their hands all over him. But his eyes burn with an intensity rivaled by the sun itself; bright and passionate and his eyes are on tendou. His stomach churns. He shouldnt be here. Parties were never his forte anyways. Why he let Wakatoshi drag him here was beyond him. Usually he’s fine letting loose. Around their club members, he was just fine, but place him here, in the middle of a bass boosted room with strobing purple and red lights, bodies bumping up against his every few seconds drenched in sweat, and one of his best friends staring him down across the room and he’s clutching at his shirt, wiping the sweat from his brow as he contemplates a good exit strategy. 

Tendou has never been good at love. He’s not awkward, no. He’s simply unable to feel a wrenching in his heart, can’t feel warmth from within when someone holds his hand or kisses him, like Wakatoshi did once during a game of truth or dare at Goshiki’s house. He feels nothing. Unlike Eita, who always seemed to have girls and guys alike draping off his arms and at his beck and call. Eita loves and loves and loves. But Tendou can’t love him back. Not like how those nameless faceless admirers of Eita’s can. Tendou doesn’t see anything wrong with just wanting a friend you can hold hands with and wake up to every morning, eat breakfast with them, enjoy life. Even if there was a possibility of Eita harboring feelings for him, Tendou doubts that he’d want something like that. A life devoid of romance. No sparks, no bright blaze of love between them. Tendou felt awful. His head was swimming with guilt; how dare he not love in the same way as everyone else? 

On the other side of the room, Semi Eita is still carefully studying him. Eyes and hands on anything else other than the people draped across his lap and over his shoulders. Theres a guy who says something into his ear, and then lets out a laugh. Tendou watches. Semi doesnt respond, eyes ever soft and twinkling as he gives tendou a small lilted smile. Tendou’s drink sloshes around in his cup as he stands. Eita’s eyes track him as he moves across the room, and disappears into the kitchen to dump his cup down the drain. The red drink- punch, he thinks, he isnt sure since it was thrust into his hand by some stranger when he walked into the door- swirls down the sink with a smooth sound. It’s vortex likeness reminds tendou of his own internal battles; his guilt rotting him from the inside about his ‘unorthadox’ ways of loving, his wanting so badly to tell Eita- anyone, really- about his being aromantic. 

When he looks up from the sink, Wakatoshi is standing nex to him, stoic and quiet as ever. Good old Wakatoshi. The sink gurgles, red liquid bubbling to the surface for a second before quieting down once more. Tendou gulps, hands gathering his shirt into bunches. 

“Wakatoshi, I’m aromantic!” he blurts out. One of his hands is clapped over his mouth in a flash, cheeks burning intensely. “I- I can’t love people romantically. I know you must think i’m a freak and im sorry if this isnt what you’ve expected of me-” he begins to ramble, fingers fidgeting, but wakatoshi cuts him off. 

“Satori.” he rumbles softly. A hand clasps tendous softly. Wakatoshis hands dwarf tendous easily. “You are not, and never have been a freak. There is no one true way to love.” tendou knows that his best friend has always been a man of few words, but the ones he does choose to say are always the right ones. It fills him with such warmth to know, even though he should’ve known all along, that his best friend doesnt see him any differently. The weight in his chest eases a little. 

“Wakatoshi-kun, I think i’m ready to go home.” 

“Alright. Shall i walk you out? You will be alright walking home on your own yes?” 

Tendou’s heart swells, happy and full. He shakes his head. “No, wakatoshi. Thank you though. I’ll be just fine.” 

Eita’s eyes are on him the moment he exits the kitchen. Cogs and gears turn in tendous mind, and his feet seem to have a mind of their own as he finds himself moving towards Eita. His flock of admirers flee at the flick of a hand and tendou is in awe at how much love radiates from his friend. 

“Eita-kun, I’ve always admired your ability to love.” he starts. 

“Ah so you…” Eita trails off, cheeks dusted red, a bit visible through the slightly spread fingers of the palm that cups his cheek. Tendou cocks his head, a bit confused at the response. 

“I’m on my way out. I just wanted to tell you something before i left. You dont have to accept it or anything, or still be my friend but i regard you in the highest of manners. Wakatoshi-kun is my best friend but, you’re the one i’d like to wake up to for the rest of my life. But i cant- i cant love you in that way. And im very sorry for letting you down. Im sorry that i’m aromantic and i feel so bad that i wont be able to love you the way you deserve, though im sure you dont have feelings for me like that anyways, so for that i guess im glad.” he runs a hand through his hair. His fingers tremble. 

All Semi Eita says in response is, “Let me walk you home, Satori.” 

When Tendou Satori wakes in the morning, his bed is empty, the apartment cold. The sheets next to him are crinkled and he wonders when Eita left. Maybe it was after tendou fell asleep and Eita realized what a mistake he had made in asking if it was alright if he stayed over at tendou’s, since he didnt feel like he could walk back home as tired as he was. But when he ventured out into the kitchen with a blanket wrapped around his thin shoulders and found Eita in his boxers and one of tendous old graphic tees, he cracked a soft smile to himself. 

“Good morning Satori-kun.” he calls, startling tendou. Curse Eita and his sharp hearing. He wants so badly to wrap his arms around Eita’s waist and rest his head in his shoulder, but he doesnt know where they stand and if it would be okay for him to do so. Eita’s silvery hair swishes as he looks over his shoulder at tendou and gently beckons him over. Tendou likes to take his chances sometimes, and he likes the way he feels when he slots his knee between Eita’s legs in an attempt to nuzzle closer to him, seeking the warmth from his bare skin against his own. 

“I didnt know how you liked your eggs in the morning so..” Eita trails off. Tendou wiggles his eyebrows, leaning over Eita’s shoulder to peer up into those stunning eyes of his. 

“My my Ei, trying to get me back into bed huh? Just couldnt get enough of me last night?” he jokes, and Eita smacks him lightly with the spatula in his right hand.

“No you goon! I kinda went and made.. Like four different kinds of eggs. And bacon, pancakes, waffles.” he laughs sheepishly, gesturing to an entire breakfast platter off to the side. 

“I didnt think i had all the stuff to make this..” 

“Oh, you didnt. I went shopping for a few things. Wanted to make you breakfast so i snuck out while you were still sleeping. Figured 6 am was a bit too early for your old ass to wake up.” Eita teases. 

“I will have you know, my ass is perfectly young, thank you very much. Now, my back, that’s a different story. God, if we’re basing age off of my back i think im nearing 60 already.” he complains, rubbing his back with a sad look on his face. Eita gives him a look and pats his head a few times. 

“Poor you. Go rest your old back and ill bring the food to you in a second.” he says, flicking the stove off and wiping his hands on the towel next to the stove top. Tendou settles down at the table, facing Eita, who holds a piece of bacon right below his nose like a mustache, which makes tendou burst into a fit of giggles, and Eita stops dead in his tracks. 

“Sorry.” as soon as he’d started, the laughter ceased. “Sorry um-” 

“No i just- satori,” Eita sets the plate in front of tendou and grabs one of his slender hands. “I like you. Maybe even- love you.” he admits. 

“You love, and you love, and you love.” tendou says, letting out a breathy laugh. “Why do you love me when you know i cant love you? Not like that anyways.” he lowers his head, almost as if ashamed. Eita just squeezes his hand. 

“I know, and i still like you. Yknow, satori? I think that we should say fuck it to society’s standards of love. We can create our own meaning of what it is to love. It doesnt matter to me if we’re only friends. Platonic soulmates exist too and i would take holding your hand, waking up next to you every day as a friend any day than not having you at all.” 

“You- you really mean that, Eita?” tendou’s eyes glisten with tears. Hes struggled for so long with feeling okay and loving himself for loving differently than most, and here was Semi Eita, made of love and life and way too pretty and good for tendou, coming into his life and being the one constant tendou could count on from the beginning. And even after learning tendou could never love him the same way Eita loved him, he still chose to stay. 

“I’ll take you in whatever way i can get you, satori. You’re it for me. Please let me grow old with you.”

“Well i mean, im already at least 60,” tendou laughs, and wipes away a tear. Eita smacks his hand gently. 

“You’re ruining the moment you goon!” eita exclaims sharply, but heaves a laugh at the sight of tendou wiping away tears as he howls with laughter. Yeah, this, this was good. This is exactly what tendou had always dreamed of.


End file.
